Grief Denial, Pretending You Do Not Have Grief About Your Loss Of Love Or Marriage - Is It Anger?
Are you recently divorced or has it been a long time since the event?
Are you angry?
Did you grieve the loss of your marriage partner after a divorce?
I can hear it now: What the hedo you mean grieve! I am happy she/he is gone out of my life! GRIEVE? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN?
Actually there is nothing wrong with me. Losing a marriage partner to divorce is a real, necessary place to grieve, just as it is true for the loss of a spouse to death.
YOU WILL GRIEVE!
Youll:
1. Grieve the lost plans for the retirement years you had envisioned.
2. Grieve the good times.
3. Grieve the loss of the other parent of your children, if you have them.
4. Grieve FOR your children who will never again have normal familial experiences. Oh, you you will give everything you have to make up for that but it will not be quite as you had planned it.
5. Grieve for yourself that you have to be alone
6. Grieve because you have to start your life all over againa new place to live, new furniture, new kitchen utensils and appliances, new everything. That could be nice, but it cost money and now you are watching your pennies because you are maintaining two households, almost.
7. Grieve the lasting love you always expected to be there. Yes, you grieve, but it may seem like anger rather than grieving.
WHY would I suggest that you are angry?
Well friend you are on the journey of healing. Anger is grieving turned around. Anger is a necessary part of the journey. It is normal and natural, but the important response is to recognize it for what it is and do not allow yourself to remain stuck in that phase of grief.
The SHOCK and DENIAL has probably worn off a little because you have given into ANGER. BLAME and FINGER POINTING has probably stomped into the picture.
ACCEPTANCE/FORGIVENESS, When your anger has become manageable, ACCEPTANCE will bring in a form of peace, but only if you do the work! And that work is called FORGIVENESS.
Really got your goat with that one didnt I?
It took me years to understand why people were telling me I had to forgive before I would feel better. I wasnt the one who was unfaithful, I wasnt the one who walked away from my children and refused to support them, I was the one who bit back my pain and stumbled through of all those things I just mentioned above, and with the responsibility of four children, no less.
Dont know when or who helped me understand that I was not forgiving the sins, but I was forgiving the human weakness of a spouse that I had given all of my love to and Who, had betrayed me.
Finally, letting go of that ANGER took away my pain and let me move on with my life. Instead of looking back and holding on to the past, I was able to move forward. DOES ANGER STILL HAVE ITS FINGERS AROUND YOUR THROAT? If a good amount of time has passed and you are still angry, perhaps concentrating on the need for FORGIVENESS will let you experience peace and understanding.
Writing your feelings in a journal
Writing exactly how you feel without fear of anyone else seeing it, could help immensely. When you write your feelings, you feel the writing instrument in your hands, you see it with your eyes and if you read it out loud, you hear it. Using your senses in this way instead of just thinking the thoughts is a more effective way to fully express your pain, fears, disappointments, hopes, and understanding. Which makes for a faster healing.
Express your ANGER on paper and remove it from your soul.
Give it to your God and say, Take this, I dont want it anymore!
If you would like to read more about the grief issues and moving on after a divorce, or the death of a loved one, go to http://. www.butterflyintonewlife.com
For more tips and tools to on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit http://www.butterflyintonewlife.com
\r Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 11 years.
The Grieving Process Of Divorce
Parenting through divorce may feel more challenging during emotional stages accompanied by the transition. The pain of div...
Divorce: Can It Be A Good Thing?
Divorce, even in the best of circumstances, is a painful process. It represents an ending to what has become familiar and nor...
How To Mend Your Broken Heart
Divorce is a very painful experience. Even after some time has passed, the pain can be triggered back by anything that remind...
Divorce: Learn, Let Go, and Live More Fully
Are you on the brink of a divorce? In the process? Already divorced, and wondering how youre going to move forward as a sin...
Bringing Stability Back Into A Divorced Life - How To Lessen the Pain Of Divorce
The life we lead from dawn to dusk is not a bed of roses as on various phases of our lives we meet people who cause joy as we...
Does Your Life Seem Out of Control? Are You Stuck in Dealing with Divorce?
You either keep constantly busy or you do nothing or find yourself fluctuating between these two extremes. Life holds little...
Divorce in India - The Social Impact
Arranged marriages fail some times, may be far and few in India. The arranged marriages do not break up that easy. There are ...
Psychological Wounds of Divorce
Much later, I came to know that the parents of the child had divorced a few moths back. Suddenly, her aloofness and fear of l...
Divorce Help: Vital Steps to Recovering From a Divorce
The very first thing you must realize is that you will not die because of divorce. It has happened to millions of people befo...
Healing From Divorce
The healing process is different for each person but generally includes the five steps listed below:1. First is denial. Thi...
Divorce + Anger = Very Very Bad
There are many times when anger can be a very good thing.Periodically, when you experience anger (especially if you are able ...
Bush: The Thief Of Baghdad
Over the years of Baghdad, people have heard many stories, about the Arabian folks and their folklore, about their travels an...
How To Prevent Divorce
The failure of marriage may be the cause of inconsistency among couples in communicating and interacting with one another bot...
Learning to Fly
At the age of 9 through string of coincidences (as it usually goes) I took a flight above Banja Luka in Bosnia in a small jet...
Love and Marriage Fairy Tale
When we were children we believed in fairy tales and happy ever after endings just like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beau...
Futurists, Marriage and Divorce Trends
The sanctity of marriage is said to be under fire in our nation and indeed the gay and lesbian community are often blamed by ...
How to Prepare Mentally For a Good Divorce
When going to the process of a divorce, there are going to many ups and downs. The feelings and emotions that each person inv...
Second Marriage Pitfall #2 - Is Your First Marriage Really Behind You?
Pitfall #2: You havent fully healed from your divorce.Getting married is a big deal. (Understatement, right?) Remarrying is a...
Acne Control for Skin that is Clear
Acne control for skin that is clear is the goal of many people both young and old. You arent the first person looking for cle...
Save Marriage, Stop Divorce And Live Happily Ever After - Any Questions?
Half of all marriages these days in divorce and we all ask why and quote changing social trends in modern times, liberation o...