Hong Kong - Survival Tips
So, you have decided to move to Hong Kong. You are captivated by the postcard sights of high-rises over the harbor and charmed by the comfortable blend of east and west that define this small-sized island. But before you pack your bags to head east to live out your oriental adventure, let me give you a few well-meaning advices.
Lose weight
If you are one of those overweight Caucasians, please shed off some extra kilos before you pack your bags. Now, what does losing weight has to do with moving to Hong Kong? Well, Hong Kong has 7 million inhabitants packed into a 423 sq. miles area resulting in a serious lack of space. Therefore, many toilets here require you to line up against the wall and squeeze in your tummy when you want to close the door. Alternatively, you may squeeze yourself between the side wall and the toilet bowl if you do not mind scraping your legs against the urine-stained toilet seat. If that still doesnt help at all, you can always try doing your business with the door wide open but, frankly, I have not seen such a case before. So, losing weight before you make your move is a very wise advice to follow.
Practise sharing tables
Because Hong Kong is an extremely crowded place, it is very, very common for strangers to take up the empty seats at your table in eateries. You cannot run away from sharing tables here, especially during peak hours, unless of course, you are one of those high-class people who can afford to eat in high-class restaurants 365 days a year. So, how do you practice? Easy. Look for a squarish mahjong-like table and have a friend sit across from you. Get him to noisily slurp down his bowl of noodles. If you can get two friends, that will be even better. Have them speak to each other in Greek on top of their voices while slurping their noodles. Your job is to pretend that they do not exist while you finish up your own meal. If they need to burp after the meal, do not stop them. The purpose is to get used to the idea of strangers belching in front of you so that you would not find the act repulsive and thus, losing your appetite. So, dont forget to give this lots of practice.
Learn to walk fast
Hong Kong life is pretty fast-paced and everyone here is living on millisecond timing. Therefore, it would be beneficial if you could train yourself up to walk like one of those long distance walkers you see in the Olympics. This would come in handy especially when you are part of a crowd waiting for the lights to turn green to go across because a mere second slower here will result on your heels being stepped on. Moreover, such training can give you machine-like arms with a perpetual swinging motion which you can then use to nudge aside human obstacles on ever crowded streets. So, please put on your sneakers and get the required training immediately.
Increase your pain tolerance
Due to lack of space, the average size of an apartment in Hong Kong is probably only around 500 to 600 sq. feet with 2 bedrooms squeezed into it. So, what does that mean? It means that you get to bump into every nook and corner because for every 3 steps that you take, you will be hitting something solid, be it a cupboard, table or wall. Therefore, for the one week prior to your departure, try knocking every conceivable part of your body onto table corners to increase your pain tolerance. This way, you would not have to howl in agony each time you bump into things in your smallish Hong Kong flat. Otherwise, your neighbor would be wondering what those frequent screams are all about, especially when it is way past midnight.
I hope you would find the above tips useful and welcome to Hong Kong.
The author resides in Hong Kong and maintains a blog at http://toddlerhumor.blogspot.com
She has also compiled amusing conversations of her toddler into a book which can be obtained at http://stores.lulu.com/pages
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