Is It Just Me, Or Are There Others That Think Dogs Are Animals?
I like animals. Many people dont believe this about me, but its true.
I like robins and elephants and iguanas and tuna. I like dogs too. I like them all the same.
And I dont want any of them in my house.
Too quote my sage friend Jeff, When you live with an animal, you live like an animal. Its true. If I sat in a lions den, or a sparrows nest, I would expect to smell like a lion or a sparrow after a while. \r When I go to a dog lovers house, I end up with dog hair all over me, and I start to smell like a dog. I dont particularly care for that. I will admit though, I prefer removing dog hair from my sweater, to wiping dog saliva from my cheek.
For some reason that I dont understand, people attach human qualities to animals, and then they call them pets. The animals dont really behave any differently than they would if they were left outdoors where they belong, but their owners treat them differently. They give them human names, they talk to them. Sometimes they actually ask them questions, and wait for an answer. Here is a newsflash; they are not going to answer. Ever. \r By the way, those dog sweaters are stupid.
Of course, dog lovers will go on about the companionship, that their dog offers, but I fail to see it. When I want companionship, I invite my friends over for some beers and poker. Dogs cant play poker; I dont care how many velvet pictures of them doing so they sell. Plus, dogs never seem to bring any music or potato chips over, and they never have good stories about how stupid their boss is, or how mean the old lady is. \r Not only do they fail to offer any advice or true companionship, they also never chip in for the bar bill like my friends sometimes do, or know any dirty jokes.
People put up with unbelievable inconveniences caused by dogs. My friend Eric once took a crap on somebodys chair, and he was banned for life from that particular address. But if a dog does that, a human being will clean it up, and will apologize as if he did it himself. Strangely, the owner of the home forgives it.
If you dont think this is true, go to your friends house and let your dog pee on the floor. Wait twenty minutes, and then stand up and take a leak on their rug. Measure the difference.
As for myself, I dont encourage any creature into my home that is not familiar with bathroom protocol, (except for Eric, who has cut down considerably on his drinking).
Heres another thing. When I come to your house, I almost never stick my nose into your girlfriends crotch, and wait for you to say, Its okay, hes just getting to know you.
I have kept all this to myself for years, but now that people think that they are perfectly within their rights to act like someone is billowing napalm directly into their face if they detect a smoker is within 100 yards of their eight-dollar plate of linguini, I think that I can share my opinion. \r I personally find second hand smoke to be far less offensive that crotch sniffing, having my shoes peed on, or watching Fido vigorously tongue-bathe his genitals.
If you have zero friends, and need a dog for a companion, you should consider charm school.
Dogs really dont pine for your friendship, they just enjoy being waited on, and I think that you would have to admit that having someone pour a can of Prime Select All Beef into your monogrammed bowl, is better than spending all day foraging for food, running down squirrels, or dragging a dead possum off the road.
So next time your out for your walk in the park, and your dog runs over to hump my leg, dont think that I will find it cute. It aint cute.
Well see how you like it when I return the favor by working out on the leg of your girlfriend.
If I havent quite made my point, I would like you to consider how foolish you look when you walk behind your companion, with a paper bag, a little shovel, and a smile.
Writing an Ebook For A Niche Market
Write your ebook on a niche topic and you are sure to make lots of sales. A niche market is a tiny part of a bigger market th...
Pet Grooming Business
Do you like animals? Would you like to work for yourself? Pet grooming could be the career for you.A grooming business is mor...
The DOP The Dogs Only Party-How to Elect a Dog to the Presidency
There are some real advantages to running a dog for president. It would help, of course, if the dog was a governor, or at lea...
Police Academy Training Videos
Most police training centers in the country have now started taping their training sessions and activities, not only to store...
Managing with Authority and Democracy
If you watch closely, you will eventually notice that people who manage the work of others tend to fit into one of two catego...
Scientific Study Boosts Male Potency by Deflating Myths
Edgemont, South Dakota More bad news for naturalistic practitioners! A new scientific study not only dispelled several long-...
A Conversation with my Dog
I really dont know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say.It ini...
Ornery and Vinegar
When I was only four or five years old, I was over at my Grandma and grandpas house and while playing outside I stubbed my to...
Writing Acknowledgements for E-Books
It is important to have an acknowledgements section in your E-Books. Having authored some 1600 articles, 3000 pages of Operat...
Feed Dog Food to All the Lawyers
Have you ever noticed that Lawyers are not such nice people? It is because they do not live in the real world, but rather a w...
All the People Who Ate Meat on Friday Went to Hell
For Centuries the Catholic Church forbid people from eating meat on Fridays and so no one ate meat, instead they ate somethin...
Goals - Accountability
We are goal-oriented animals. Our mind needs a focus to target. Without a focus, our mind wanders around. Achieving goals giv...
Advantages of Homeschooling
Homeschooling is one alternative that is becoming really popular these days, growing at about seven to 15 percent every year ...
Divorced Fathers: Know Your Rights
Sadly, when it comes to divorces, no matter what the reason, the children are the ones who suffer the most. This is especiall...
Pressure Washing Aircraft Hangers at the Airport
If you are looking for a way to own your own business using a pressure washer or expand your current pressure washing busines...
3 Tips To Help You Reduce The Cost Of Homeschooling
Homeschooling can be an expensive choice for parents. There are many expenditures that need to be taken into account and the ...
Home Schooling - To Teach Or Not To Teach
You have finally done it! The terrible twos are done, the tumultuous threes have passed and the torrid fours are behind you....
Come Let Us Lament
My sister-in-law asked me to write this article. She must be lamenting.The best place to lament is at the Wailing Wall. You c...
Dark Chocolate and Cholesterol Blood Levels
Chocolate comes from plants and plants do not produce cholesterol, only animals do. Dark colored plants are known to have man...
Wacky and Wild Uses for Zip Ties
These days zip ties and cable ties are giving duct tape a run for its money. Generally known for their primary function of bu...