Psychological Wounds of Divorce
Much later, I came to know that the parents of the child had divorced a few moths back. Suddenly, her aloofness and fear of leaving her mother made sense.
It is not unknown for children of divorced parents to project such behaviour patterns. Every child of every age group is affected by the divorce of its parents. Some children are lucky enough to be spared the long term negativity of the effect. Others suffer a lifetime.
The Psychological Impact of the Negative Emotions of Divorce
Fear
The biggest fear for any child is losing its parents. The child deeply longs for the absentee parent. Children fear that if one parent has left them, the other might soon follow suit. This induces a tendency to cling to the custodial parent. Brief spells of parental absence frightens them.
Young children (6-12 year olds) suffer the additional burden of guilt feeling. They feel responsible for their parental conflict and separation. These feelings might have been formed when they heard their parents fighting over them. Their confused young mind cannot actually comprehend the exact turn of events and they indulge in self blame. Fear, guilt and grief are the three strong feelings experienced by children.
Grie
Children value stability, and the departure of a parent rocks makes their life unstable leading to grief. Sadness has a long term impact on children. Some react by entering into long spells of sorrow. If you find your child turning sullen and silent and refuses to interact, try to handle these emotions immediately. If the child has not come out of its depressive agony, seek professional help immediately. Monitor the emotional behaviour of your child closely. Such strong emotions get compounded by lack of parental authority and may lead to problems of a more serious nature.
Juvenile Delinquency
Children feel a slackening of parental control and authority in the post divorce period. Single parents are forced to don the role of dual parents. The heavy responsibility leaves them with little time to pay adequate attention to their children. Children immediately indulge in acts that aim at attracting parental attention. To prevent such anti social acts give enough attention to your children; however busy you may be.
Effects of Psychological Scars on Children
All children of divorce do not get into problem with authorities. Some struggle with feelings of low self esteem and this affects their academic performance. Poor academic performers are bound to have a struggle filled life. They might most probably be college dropouts and get married early. However, their marital life would be a troubled phase for they fail to effectively communicate with their partner. Their lack of trust soon makes them divorce their spouse. Children of divorce perceive divorce as a solution to marital problems. They do not try problem solving for to children their parents are their role models. Children of divorced parents also experiment with sex and drugs early in life.
Whether your children enter adulthood with psychological scars or are happy individuals is dependant upon your handling of the situation.
Your Role as a Parent
As a parent it is your responsibility to ensure that your children do not suffer the consequences of your decisions. You should make all efforts to mitigate their sorrow. Refrain making the common mistakes some ignorance induced parents make.
- Do not use your children to spy on the spouse. Children love both their parents; do not involve them in the bitterness of divorce by trying to elicit information of your ex spouse from them. \r
- Assure them that they are in no manner responsible for the divorce. \r
- Try to maintain a cordial relationship with your spouse. This in turn develops better relationship between your ex spouse and the children.
Set a good example to the children and be a role model. Avoid expressions of sorrow and grief over the divorce in their presence. Make every effort at maintenance of a cordial relationship. Continued love from both the parents sets the childs mind at rest. This would alleviate the negative effects of divorce and help heal the psychological wounds of divorce much faster.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information about Anti-Gazumping measures see http://www.anti-gazumping.co.uk
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