Requiem for a Mouse
Last Thursday, my wife and I were coming home from my daughters triumphant performance in the third grade production of School for Cupids, when we spotted a mouse making its way through the snow in our front yard.
I told my wife that it seemed strange to see this tiny black mouse in a field of white, particularly since animals are supposed to be so well versed in the art of camouflage to avoid predators who prefer meat over potatoes.
My wife was not intrigued and refuses to meet any of Gods creatures unless they are caged, taxidermied, served next to vegetables, or reconstituted into clothing and accessories. While nature may abhor a vacuum, my wife abhors nature. She also abhors vacuuming but I know for a fact shed use one if it were to vacuum up a mouse. Which brings me to my point and the source of my guilt.
Our family had mouse trouble, I had put out some poison and it was certainly a possibility that the little mouse in our yard might be familiar with our basement.
I had my camera with me so I decided to take his picture. Why? Who knows? Maybe to tease a cat. I do know the reason I had my camera was to record my daughters performance. It is now required by law to document every single event in your childrens lives or face the consequences, the worst of which is having other parents look disapprovingly down their viewfinders at you and making a clucking sound with their tongues.
Let me state for the record and for my daughter who will find out soon enough when she sees the prints, that darling, I tried desperately to capture the essence of Miss Lovejoys kind and mentoring manner in your enchanting performance, but the blocking and stage direction was such that I never saw anything but the back of your head until the curtain call. I know it wasnt your fault, sweetie, I blame the entire educational system.
As I moved closer with the camera, the cute little mouse remained oblivious to me and I began to worry that he had eaten the poison. The pellets cause mice to become terribly thirsty and the desperate need for water drives them outside where their thirsts are ultimately quenched. In Mouse Heaven. These pellets offer no reprieve for trespassing and a first offense is always the last. Now that I was up close, this mouse seemed worthy of a second chance.
Yes I know --I put out the poison, yes I wanted the mice out of my house and yes, I still felt quite remorseful -- and for that I blame my father, the closet Buddhist from Jersey City.
When my brothers and I were little, if a moth was spotted flapping frantically against a lampshade or crawling across the TV, wed reach for a newspaper, rock solid in our authority to dispatch any insect to the spirit world.
And then one day my father walked in the room while I attempted to evict a moth with a copy of TV Guide and said, Dont kill that moth. For all we know he could be out looking for work with a wife and 600 kids at home waiting for him to come back. Dumbstruck, I watched as he gently cradled the moth in his hands, opened the window and sent him back to his family.
That was it for me. From that point on every insect, every rodent, every pigeon, every moth became an individual. I began to picture them in their nests, Norman Rockwell scenes of cricket babies learning to hop, groundhogs sipping ice cream sodas in underground drug stores, ants constructing their little colonies with the purity of heart and steadfast devotion of the Amish.
I became a bipolar, neurotic link in the food chain . No worries eating lamb chops or chicken breasts but hold that shovel so I can move this worm out of harms way. The circle of life turned into a cul-de-sac and it is there that I still reside.
So here was this mouse that, thanks to the good people at D-Con, was supposed to just disappear without a trace. Maybe he passes away, maybe he wins the lottery and moves to Scottsdale who would know for sure and for me that was the beauty of it. The only way Id known hed existed at all was when I removed an empty pellet container. But not this one. He had to emerge from the crowd of unwanted pests and show a little personality.
I used a shovel to scoop him up gently along with a pile of snow and carried him down to the river, trying to convince myself that maybe he was alright after all, just a little disoriented. And thats where I left him, ambling along the riverbank toward whatever fate has in store.
Its a week later, I still have mouse poison in my basement and with all the things in the world there are to worry about, Im still worrying if the mouse made it. My kids think Im nuts but that probably has more to do with my replacing their picture over the mantle with the mouses.
John Hartnett is the owner of Early Bird Publishing, a manufacturer of humorous greeting cards. He can be reached at johnhartnett@earlybirdpublishing.com.
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