The Finely Tuned Athlete
I broke a promise to myself that I never would, and joined a gym about six months ago.
I made a schoolboy error right off the bat, in that I joined the same gym as a much-fitter friend of mine was already using, and went for a workout with him.
As a warm-up, he decided to race me a kilometre on the rowing machines, on the highest possible setting. After a wheezing four and a half minutes, I ground to a halt in a distinctly silver-medal winning position. As the less charitable would put it: I lost.
How was that? My friend asked brightly, looking no more than fractionally ruffled.
Like a true man, I lied. Yeah, not bad, I said, pretending it was no big deal as the room spun crazily around me and my blood pressure went somewhere north of lethal. Sweat had pooled on the floor around my machine, as had mercifully indistinguishable tears and blood.
Since then, things have improved somewhat (my best period in terms of overall satisfaction was when I damaged the ligaments in my knee and therefore didnt have to go for a while) but the trouble with things like this is that its youll never be as good as you want to be. You just have to do what you can.
Today, however, I came up across something I couldnt ever hope to be good at.
I was on an exercise bike, watching the wall-mounted TV, and Countdown was on.
I cant do Countdown, and it makes me sulk. I cant play Minesweeper on a computer, either, but this is a separate and equally sore point.
Countdown, for those who dont know, is the mid-afternoon programme for students and elderly people who are trying to prove their brains arent entirely turned to slush, yet. The basic premise is that two people youd like to punch pick 9 random letters (asking for various numbers of vowels and consonants) and then try to make the longest word possible. I usually end up with Cat. Or, once, Dog.
Then at the half-way mark, theres a maths round where a contestant picks random numbers and then a computer sets a total. The two smarmy types try to make the random numbers conform to the total. For example, if the random numbers were 10 and 5, they would have to try to make fifteen, and would do it by adding one to the other.
Sadly, its never this easy, and the above sum is at the outside edge of my mathematical talents.
Then, after thirty seconds, the smug bastards tell you that theyre within two places of the total, when youre still somewhere in the +/- 100 bracket, and then Carol Vorderman, the shows quivering female lackey, comes out and solves it all with her mutant adding ability whilst simultaneously setting the cause of feminism back ten years every time shes ordered to put more letters up and simperingly complies.
I might just be saying that because Im bitter, to be fair.
I dont like being made to feel stupid, least of all by people in their twenties who wear cardigans, who seem to comprise a large percentage of the contestants. Today, whilst I was watching, the following letters came up: GAIDORTSE.
I may not have the precise order correct, but those were the letters. I know this because, whilst pedalling my exercise bike with increasing desperation, I frantically managed to create the following words:
GOAT. (A horned, woolly animal.)
GOATS. (More than one horned, woolly animal.)
GROAT. (A currency once used on the TV show Noels House Party. Im not sure its really a word.)
GROATS. (Im lying, this didnt occur to me at the time.)
GOAD. (To prod.)
GOADS. (I didnt think of this one, either.)
STOAT. (Its only since Ive reviewed things on paper that I realise I didnt have enough Ts for this small, furry animal.)
GREAT. (Very good. Not applicable here.)
Time was by now well and truly up. The game was passed over to the first smarmy, cardigan wearing bastard. ASTEROID, he said.
I got off the bike and went for a shower.
Setting Effective Micro-Goals
When chasing your dreams, you will have a series of successes as well as a series of failures along the way. The journey wil...
Review - Making Money From Home - Become an Affiliate
Many years of business experience has taught me how to detect the scammers from the real McCoy. Long before the internet beca...
History of Chocolate Truffles
The invention of the cocoa press in 1828 made possible separating the natural fat in cocoa beans, called cocoa butter, from t...
Do You Know All About Vanilla Chocolate?
Vanilla chocolate is usually thought of as white chocolate. There is an ongoing controversy on whether vanilla chocolate is e...
Tea Tree Oil Acne Products
Tea tree oil is probably the oldest treatment available for acne control. Tea tree oil is antiseptic, antimicrobial, antibact...
That New Math
A recent ad for a consulting company read, "To accomplish more, sometimes you need to see less." Even if your definition of a...
Book Yourself Solid Key #5: Go Forward With Gusto & Articulate What You Do
Want your small business to flip instead of flop?! Statistically half of the entrepreneurs reading this will be out of busine...
Explain What You Consider Differentiates A Project From Day To Day Work Or ’Business As Usual’
Explain what you consider differentiates a project from day to day work or 'business as usual'.In addition, give a specific e...
The History of Chocolate - From Bean to Bar
The cocoa tree is botanically called Theobroma Cacao - food form the Gods. The tree is native to the rain forests of the Am...
25 Slightly Strange Alternate Uses For Car Flags
You know, as Head of Sales for one of Chinas top car flag manufacturers I am often asked if I feel at all dismayed that my pr...
Using Pain or Pleasure in Your Marketing
One recent afternoon as I was driving around running errands, I tuned into a local radio station that was hosting a radio-tho...
A Deep Look at Soap Operas
You have got to love soap operas. From the intricate plots and finely woven webs of deceit, to the depths of schemes, they we...
My Wealthy Affiliate Story - Part I
In my first week discovering the world of Internet Marketing I went through a vast number of sources about the subject. I res...
Gold Medal Delegation
When the recent Games of the XXVIII Olympiad came to a close in Athens, two events stood out in my mind as perfect examples o...
The Gift of Gab
The art of the schmooze, small talk, gift of gab, these are all descriptions given to a special talent some people have. Its ...
New Year Holiday Resolutions - How to Make Them Work - Mrs Claus Tips for Investing in Your Goals!
We all want to manifest our goals set for the new year, yet four out of five people never do. So here are Mrs Claus top tips...
North and South Divide in Multimedia
AbstractThe aim of this paper is to show that there is a multimedia divide in the North and South of England and that this di...
Treating Your Acne Through Topical Retinoids
Acne vulgaris is a skin condition that commonly affects adolescents and young adults, including athletes. Acne rarely preclud...
Secret of Writing a Niche Ebook that People Want to Read
The hardest part of writing is the first sentence.
When you look at the whole project, it seems like an
impossible task. Th...
Taking Action Right Away - The 5 Step Process That I Used To Finally Take Action And Keep It Up
If youre reading this article your life of in-action probably is going something like this:You have heard from the personal g...