The Sad Truth About the Most Viewed Ezine Articles
Having written a number of humorous and political ezine articles to kind of get my feet wet in this new frontier, I decided to see what other subjects are most often viewed. Im inquisitive that way; besides, it might give me a hint as to what to write about if I want to inflate my articles report numbers in a shallow hope to pump up my deflated ego. So I did a search in Ezine for most viewed. Aha! A list called The Top 30 Most Viewed Articles came flying back before I could say, The Iraq Warmy obvious choice for top subject followed closely by abortion, same sex marriage, and Angelina and Brad.
All I can say is boy was I ever wrong.
If you want your articles to be read by the tens of thousands, in fact hundreds of thousands, you better know something about hair. Now if you are like me, you probably know little more about hair other than it grows if watered; not exactly enough to be an expert. But if you want to learn about hair so you can write about it with authority, skip the stuff on the top of your head, you want to jam all you can muster into that noggin of yours about the hair south of the border. Thats right! You want to educate yourself on female pubic hair, especially about those wily ingrown wascals.
Heres why!
Fifteen out of top thirty articles are about hair: prom hair, mens hair, Japanese hair, hair extensions, hot styles, long styles, blah-blah-blah. And out of the blah-blah-blah, six are specifically about female private hair maintenance and all its dastardly consequences. In other words, 20% of the thirty top viewed Ezine articles are about the science of removing female foliage. To make matters more interesting, all six articles are written by one author, Im assuming a guy (first name Mike), who apparently woke up on August 4th, 2004 and had an epiphany about womens pubic hair, submitting his half dozen articles on its removal and every possible resulting issue: waxing, shaving, razor burn, prevention tips, popping tips, you name it.
I want to say right now, God I had no idea!
Now, there are fifteen other articles that show no particular pattern of subject matter but nevertheless give me some hope. Skipping the obvious self-serving commercials for products to buy, the rest are pretty mainstream; you know, more like what one would expect: how to build a chopper, flipping houses, history of tattoos, history of body piercing, nude photography, how to make semen taste better, the usual stuff. Im thinking one of those subjects is kind of exciting and might have potential for related research. My personal favorite though, which currently holds 20th place, reveals little known secrets to being invited as a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show, something I long for.
But I cant get this pubic thing out of my head; this apparent self-inflicted scourge sweeping our female population. And I thought the Bird Flu was nasty! Cant you just trim down there with some scissors for CHRISSAKE and call it a day? Why oh why are you torturing yourselves so? Is it all that thong pressure from us lame-ass guys thats pushing women to such masochistic measures? If it is, I for one say enough is enough! Holy mackerels, I apologize already!
Oh well, Im left sitting here, my heart palpitating, pondering if maybe Im barking up the wrong tree with this notion to be a popular writerif it means writing about ingrown pubic hair problems that is. And barring any sudden shift back to those god awful bathing suits from the Twenties or unseemly panty lines, it is unlikely this epidemic will end anytime soon, leaving this writing stuff to males and hair salon types who continue to have a prurient vested interest in all this.
Hmm maybe Im better off inventing better tweezers because apparently a great tweezer in the hand is worth more than two lousy ones in the bush, so to speak.
This article was written by humorist Robert Crane. If you found it thought provoking or just plain idiotic, visit his popular website at http://www.cranelegs.com for a lot more!
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